The Tiredest I’ve Been, and the Joy In It

Every new year or anniversary or birthday seems to be a reminder of how far I’ve come- and how even when I think I’m over a challenge, God brings me yet another one.

This time last year I was wrapping up my Masters thesis- which was HUGE. Yes, it’s huge on it’s own but for me it was also emotional for so many reasons. My ex-husband was particularly fond of telling me I wasn’t smart enough to finish my undergrad degree, and when I re-enrolled in college while in the middle of legal actions he tried to use it against me. I made the Dean’s List three times.

I made two prior attempts at a Masters program before this last one, taking one class in each of them before life got in the way- or perhaps I wasn’t strong enough yet? But once I did find this program that I finished, it was on a total whim and I didn’t except to get in. When telling my boyfriend at the time he became angry that I would do such a thing as it would “take time away from him”. This was also while in the middle of yet another legal action with my ex-husband (which is STILL being litigated over three years later).

It was this year that my son started middle school- and even with a bumpy start at first is now thriving, making all A’s and B’s, making friends, and doing well with soccer. My daughter started a new school with it’s own challenges for her, but is also doing quite well, making good grades and gaining new friends. It’s an awe inspiring thing to watch your kids thrive.

It was while finishing that Masters program that I met my now boyfriend, the one guy who actually matches my energy. See- my friend Floco used to tell me all of the guys I dated wouldn’t work for me because they didn’t have the same kind of energy and drive as me. This guy does. As a huge bonus, he also has an amazing daughter- and she later became a member of my sorority.

Things have moved along, new challenges have come and gone, and then…. bam. God brought me the biggest surprise of all. One that has left me physically and emotionally tired, as well as my cup overflowing with a kind of joy that I thought I would never experience again.

My family and I will be bringing a new little boy into this world this Spring.

Let me also mention as an aside: this is not something I’ve spoken about publicly until for several reasons. Sure, there’s general privacy concerns, but also wanted to be sure all family members knew, that my health was ok, etc. I didn’t really intend to talk about it publicly but I’ve had this blog for going on a decade now and I have put a lot about my life out there for everyone to read. A lot of times it’s just a catharsis for me, but I’ve also found it helps others so often as well. It felt dishonest to not share this very happy news with all of y’all.

The funny thing along with all this is, not so long ago I wrote these words as part of another blog post:

“One of my favorite Bible quotes is Psalm 139:14: “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” It’s a favorite because when I found out I was pregnant with my son, my oldest, I was in a miserable marriage. And right when I found out we were having a boy, I went to St, Simons with my mom- and he went to Helen. We went our separate ways, when we should have been together, to vacation. I went shopping at the Bailey Boys outlet store and they had these ceramic crosses. One had that Psalm, and I bought it for my son’s room. He was wonderfully made, even in the midst of a marriage that would not survive.”

It was a blog post with reasons why my Christmas lights wouldn’t come down… and now, here we are, in advent- the Christmas lights are still up… and shining again.

Now that said- phew boy, pregnancy at 39 is SO much different than when I was 25! I’m actually looking forward to sharing the hilarity that is a “geriatric pregnancy” with all y’all… honestly I just have to laugh at it.

More to come…..