Mother’s Day Cards
I think most people in my hometown, or at least in my circle of friends and acquaintances, are aware of just how ugly my divorce was. Whether you know me, are friends with me, or know my ex husband and are friends with him you have heard some version of the story. I have shied away from talking about it in much detail because we have in our divorce agreement a stipulation that we would not slander one another in social media. It came about because at that time I was working at 13WMAZ and was building my internet reach- and actually, my ex asked for it. I didn’t mind it at the time but there have been moments when it has been frustrating, such as when my ex husband publicly called me a whore on Facebook and accused me of cheating on him. I did not respond because I was in so much shock, and even though I had accusations of my own and things that I could put in print and prove- it just meant that I would have violated our divorce decree. (Yes, I am aware he did the same.)
As a part of our settlement, which was reached before seeing a judge, we had what had to have been one of the oddest visitation agreements known to man. The mediator said that because I was upset that I didn’t see our kids that year’s Mother’s Day that we should have a schedule that would guarantee I got to see our kids on Mother’s Day. And since I was also settling for mediation, in my naive assumption that settling meant our crazy divorce would be finally over, it also meant settling for joint custody. No child support. No alimony. But- an end to the madness. An end of our kids being confused. The beginning of peace and some reconciliation. The schedule would mean our kids would be with their father every Monday and Tuesday, and then every First and Third Weekend. I would have Wednesday and Thursday, and every Second and Fourth Weekend. We would alternate the Fifth weekends.
It made sense in my logical mind during our hearing, but afterwards- I would realize that there would be times that each of us would sometimes go as long as five days without seeing our children. For me, it was unbearable. Even being away from them for a few days at a time was horrible. Five days was too much.
We would eventually meet with our attorneys yet again and go back to a schedule that made more sense, albeit still weird: 2 days on, 2 days off, then the weekend. After the weekend each of us had our kids, then the next two days go to the opposite parent. And so forth.
This would also mean, sometimes not having our kids on the respective Mother’s and Father’s days. And that’s how it happened last year.
Last night, it was a rough day for me. All kinds of little things really piled up. Not being able to find my extra camera battery, not being able to find the battery charger, buying a new one that would break at the end of the concert I was shooting, and embarrassing myself by publishing the wrong photos in a post. And I got fussed at by a performer about something that wasn’t my fault- at least I think that’s what happened, I’m not exactly sure. Things can get hectic backstage. Perhaps I wasn’t actually fussed at but it sure felt like it.
I had stopped by my each of my kids schools around lunch, to give them each a kiss and hug them and tell them I would miss them. I was not able to drop them off at school due to a guest appearance on a tv show- one in which they got confused because Mommy wasn’t talking TO THEM, even though Mommy said hello.
While at my son’s school, I arrived when lunch had already started. I thought I would catch him seated with his friends- when parents visit, they usually let them sit with their kids at another table. When I walked in his teachers pointed to one of the separate tables: Bishop was seated alone. I thought for sure I caught him having gotten in trouble but his teacher said, he had insisted on sitting there alone.
” B- why are you sitting here?!” I said, concerned and sitting next to him.
He looked up at me and smiled, his teacher still standing there: “I knew you would be here!”
At the time, I said there’s no way because I hadn’t planned this. But it just occurred to me that he very likely saw me pulling up to the school through the windows as he was in line in the lunchroom. Smart B Boy!
B would hug me, and say ” Mommy I love you. I’m going to Daddy’s house today but I still love you.”
His teacher would give me his handmade gifts, one of which he ordered me to not open until he is with me again. But the other is a “hand print” tree with three reasons why he loves me: “She swings with me” “She takes me to the cupcake store” and “She holds me and loves me”.
Talk about melting this mommy’s heart! We would eat his lunch and he would share his Angry Birds cookies and his pretzels with me. And he would periodically kiss me and hug me.
The day before- LK went with my mom to the grocery store and picked out a heart shaped cake- proudly exclaiming when I got home that she picked it out for me for Mother’s Day.
I was thinking of these things when I got home: exhausted and mentally and emotionally spent. I would sit down at the table and see two cards on the table addressed to me- they were sent in the mail. I recognized the hand writing and to be sure I checked the return address- it was that of my ex husband.
I opened the cards, and saw they were Mother’s Day cards, with a spoken I love you message from each of my children, and written down were the words “wish we were with you”.
At first I was angry, thinking they could be with me- if things had not gotten to the point where their father and I couldn’t speak to one another. And then I realized, that’s not what really mattered here. What mattered here was that my children’s father, who I am not on speaking terms with, took the time to send me cards from our children on Mother’s Day.
Our children are too little to understand everything, and I kind of hope by the time they’re old enough to understand that they won’t have to. Hopefully by that time things can be better. Our marriage was not good- I left because of that. And while my children’s father has always insisted it could have worked, I think he knows we are both a lot happier on our own. I truly believe that God brought him in to my life for the purpose of creating our children, that they were each meant to be borne from the both us. Their further development and understand of love comes from us, and I pray that these cards are a sign that they can see two parents who love their children so much that they can put any discord aside for their best interests. This doesn’t mean reuniting, but it means being the best parents possible to the most amazing children in this world.
I have a lot of friends in similar situations, and I hope for them- that they too are getting cards this Mother’s Day “from their children” whether their babies are with them or not. Parenting can happen with one- but it’s a lot better with two.
Now- I need to program a reminder in my phone to go card shopping with my babies for Father’s Day…. lord knows nothing happens unless I give myself a reminder….
Love to all y’all,
Molly
