A Valentine’s Gift of Time
*yes I’m late posting this, for reasons, but it’s still relevant now… actually at this point it’s been a whole YEAR (almost) since drafting this… and it’s held up to be even more true as my boyfriend and I prepare to welcome a new baby into this world…
Running a business, work, young children, a child that is graduating high school soon, college prep, athletics… it’s all a recipe for creating distance in a relationship. Not to mention adding in a global pandemic and a general undercurrent of unrest AND trying to work on a new relationship during all of that? AND political and racial unrest and a general feeling of awfulness all around us? Yeah, none of this is easy for any of us.
It’s with all of this in the back of my mind that I caught Bishop Rob Wright’s weekly podcast. “Are we convinced that love is the way? And if so, what is love’s cost to me right now? These questions are at the heart of this week’s devotional based on St. Paul’s letter to the Corinthians. And what St. Paul really writes is that love is of spiritual grown-ups. Those that have put away their childish ways and put love first.”
And… showing love to neighbors when we disagree passionately- even in the face of injustice.
I’m able to explore all of this as I’m deepening my relationship with my boyfriend. This is a man I have long- long– had a crush on. But was so so scared not just to tell him… but to even LOOK at him. Seriously! He laughs at me when I tell him this but we’ve known each other for years and apparently because I was scared to even hardly look his way he assumed I didn’t like him. When in reality I was just like a scared middle schooler afraid that the slightest glance would make me blush and give away my secret: that I liked him, and he was way out of my league.
There have been so many little things he has done out of love for me, one of which is the Christmas gift he got me. Yes, it’s an absolutely beautiful necklace, but what he didn’t know is I had one very similar to it (round- and the one he got me is squared) and I wore it when my kids were born. I was heartbroken it have lost it years later. So on Christmas morning, when I had assisted him in picking up gifts for his daughter since I had more time, I didn’t quite realize he had completed a last minute trip of his own. As he sat down near me he kind of motion upwards with this small box and to my absolute shock was this necklace- so close to being like the one I had lost. Later his daughter would say we were twinning with matching Lululemon jackets and my necklace that also matched a ring of hers. That kind of compliment from a teenager is huge, and I think she is adorable for it. But what stood out to me is the symbolism, how he brought something to me that I had lost so long ago… not just the necklace, but a true love.
He showed it again later when on Valentine’s Day we had planned to do a big meal with all of our kids and… he had a lot going on. We really should have postponed but I had spent the whole week writing out a menu and doing other things to prepare and I was a bit anxious about it all. On a Sunday, when he needed to prepare for his next day of work, he not only took the time to indulge my over the top dinner ideas but he also ran out and got the most beautiful coat for me. He had remembered me bemoaning doing carpool at work in the freezing cold and how I had just not bothered to go and buy a better jacket.
He gave me the gift of his time- and he does it over and over again. Updated note: This year I will return that gift on Valentine’s Day… shhhhhh he’s not on social media much so chances are he misses this, but my gift this year will be one of rest… because he’s truly my Valentine daily… plus we’ve got this whole baby on the way thing going on….
So often the gift of time is overlooked- that same gift can be given to others when trying to find grace. I’m not always very good at this. I get anxious and need immediate results. So much of this is a trauma response from feeling like I had to be perfect and had to move quickly all the time for the sake of survival. I’m not always gracious in the face of injustice.
Are we showing love to our neighbors when we post photos of them in dsitress- however well intentioned? Or can the same outcomes be gathered by posting other photos? Should we show people who are potentially in a mental health care crisis in order to drive home a larger story? Should we show photos of children starving- and does that move us to true activism?
The answers are rather simple when you take into consideration what Bishop Wright said: love is the answer. If you hold love for your neighbor, would you show them in a terrible moment? Or would you seek out a better way to find help? If you hold love for your neighbor, would you find a way to reach them? Updated note: I stopped writing here originally, but what I was referring to was when a local government entity posted a photo of homeless people in a terrible moment of need, when they were not shown compassion.
I am so lucky that I have people in my life who show me compassion. I seek to be better at this in all ways of my life, and I struggle with it far more than most know. My prayer is that since I am so lucky in receiving great love, that I can give it back- not just to my boyfriend, my children, his daughter, our son… all those who give it to me- but also in giving it back to my community.
