The Good Life
UPDATE:
On this day, this amazing and special day, I’m reading over old blog posts. And I came across this one. I’m so grateful for the twists and bends in life, the things that break my heart in the moment, because they have all brought me to where I am today. The Good Life keeps getting even better, even with the challenges.
Original Post:
Sometimes these days, I feel like I’m in a strange transition part of life.
The part where my kids lives have taken over.
I thought I had it all figured out, they were born and things were hard and I often felt alone…. but they were itty bitty. They were babies. It’s what I was always told to expect at that age.
Then I got divorced, went back to school, started a business. And my babies were either still in daycare or just starting school themselves.
This year, it all changed.
This was the year that they switched schools. To a more demanding place. To the place that made us realize, they weren’t where they needed to be. That my son was ADHD, that my daughter might be dyslexic. My son started Scouts and my daughter did cheerleading. It was the year of… demanding parental involvement. Stepping up to the plate a little more.
Piano lessons. New house. Renovations.
It is so overwhelming at times, and I start to understand now all of these articles I’ve read about how some women feel swallowed up by their kids and their obligations. New school with new requirements for volunteering, trying to figure out how many people need Christmas and Valentine’s gifts, and remembering to take strawberries to school for whatever it is they are needed for so another mother or father isn’t left with that last-minute task.
I’ve realized lately that I have been terrible at keeping up with my friends. I’ve often blamed it on the fact that the friends I loved most have moved away elsewhere. The people I could call up with no pretense to meet up for a drink, or to come to my not-nearly-finished-yet home with no judgement, they all now seem to live elsewhere.
7:30 p.m. rolls around and if the kids are with their dad I’m exhausted anyway and thinking it’s time to prepare for bed and can I get one more load of clothes in? Whereas just a few years ago, if the kids were with their dad I was out photographing a show or prepping for my next out-of-town trip.
Before, when the kids were still little and their schedules were not nearly as demanding… I thought I had it really made. I could be the Cool Mom who still had her own life, who could still meet friends out and about whatever time it was, who could jet off on weekends when they were with their dad and go to some other city. Some other place. To write about it. To explore. To do all the things I hadn’t been allowed to do before. But I could still come home and be their Mommy when they weren’t with their dad. I. Had. It. All.
But of course, I didn’t really have it all. I just didn’t know what I was missing. A partner who would participate in it all with me. A school that expected more out my both my kids but also me.
Like today, when I looked over my Facebook memories. Just a few years ago on this day I was out with friends at one of our favorite spots, seeing two other friends performance, the whole crew was there. It was amazing. And yet… I look at where so many of us are now. Two of those people are in another state. One had the most amazing wedding and keeps on acheving new professional goals. Some of us are still here, albeit in different roles. I’m both wistful for how things were then, but also grateful that they have changed.
Settling down can be at once disarming and reassuring.
I remembering wondering when I was young why my parents seemed to have no friends, but now I think I appreciate more what they were doing for my brother and I. Working hard day in and day out.
As much as this new reality can be disarming to me…. I’m still thrilled by it. I love watching my kids grow and learn. I’m grateful that we’re moving forward with their education in a way that I know will benefit them long-term. This has still been the most amazing school year ever for us. A job that allows me the time to be there for my kids, even if isn’t where I had always envisioned being. Two kids who have come through plenty of their own challenges, have earned awards at school, have made great new friends.
But I’m still just going to be adjusting for a little bit. So if anyone ever wants to come over to my not yet finished house, or meet for an *early* cocktail around 5:30 pm so I can make it to bed by 8:30 pm for my 4:30 am gym wake up call…. hit me up.
Love to all y’all,
Molly
