Things About Weddings That {Annoy} Me

I’m driving a total of 10 hours today to Birmingham and back to Macon for a wedding in my family- and it will be totally worth it for reasons that I will post tomorrow.

However, while looking over the venue that we are going to I am reminded of some things about weddings that annoy the bejesus out of me.

1. Obnoxious makeup on the bride: I should not be able to see that you are wearing fake eyelashes. This does not mean you shouldn’t wear them, it just means pick some that are more natural looking. Weddings are about your natural beauty- unless you are a gypsy bride and then all bets are off.

 

 

 

2. The cowboy boot with wedding dresses and bridal party thing: it was cute the first time I saw it (actually- at a sorority sister’s wedding), but that was pretty much it. Should have been over with after one season, really. STOP DOING THIS!

 

 

 

3. Wedding venues with cutesy names: they pretty much make me want to vomit before getting to the wedding.

 

These next few I got from my friend Stephanie, as her upcoming wedding has prompted many a conversation about the tackiness that surrounds many of these events:

 

4. Fake flowers: Holy Sweet Little Baby Jesus- really?! If you are going to take the time to put together a most fabulous event WHY JUST WHY would you do this?! Generally, they will cost you more so there’s no advantage there. And if you’re wanting to save them, just hire a preservation company to save and frame them. I’m a fan of giving away flowers to the elderly guests at the wedding or sending them to retirement homes to brighten someone’s day.

 

5. Flip flops as gifts to guests, even at a beach wedding: I frankly didn’t know this was a thing. It would never enter my realm of thinking to do something so tacky. *shudder*

 

 

 

6. Jeweled/bedazzled bridal bouquets: unless you are a gypsy bride, and then all bets are off anyway, as we established earlier.

 

 

 

 

Note: I have no problem with some tasteful bedazzling (is there such a thing as tasteful bedazzling anyway though?) on the ribbon around the stems of the flowers. One of the prettiest bridal bouquets I have seen was in the pictures of my friend Eleta’s wedding, and she had her sorority pin as well as those of her bridesmaids pinned to the ribbon. And something like that has a very, personal, meaningful touch.

 

 

7. Bedazzled Bride/MRS hoodie– they’re done. Just leave them in the past.

 

 

8. Stephanie’s last suggestion, which I think is hilarious, is the shot glass reading “I got smashed at Becky & Chris’s wedding”. Can we please leave something of honor and reverence in a wedding?

 

 

Actually- these might be worse. (Can’t we please STOP with the mason jars being used everywhere?! It’s going to take away from anything they’re cute for at all.)

 

 

9. Something else I thought of: playing dirty booty music in front of grandma. I’ve got no problem with droppin’ it like it’s hot after a wedding towards the middle to the end of a reception, but hell to the no will I be grinding in front of my grandmother. Or anyone else’s.

 

 

Well, I think that’s all for now. Pretty sure I’ll be able to add more to the list after this event.

Let me just note: a wedding done well is one of my favorite things. Seeing two people get married just renews my hope in humanity in general. But sometimes- I just can’t help my snark. It’s too fun. And too many people make it too easy for me.

 

Love to all y’all

 

Molly