In the Stillness: Light
It has been a terribly rough time in my world as of late. I feel like the darkness threatens to overcome the worlds of so many, for a few- it covered over them in such a terrible way. Suicide. Murder. The pending death of a child. Words feel so inadequate, a hug feels so small.
We know that pain and darkness are simply part of the human condition, we know we must go through it to find better days- but that doesn’t make it less painful. And for so many, they cannot see through to the other side.
Some turn to God and Jesus for comfort. Some to meditation. Some simply just need to be alone in their thoughts, curled up in the bed. Some fill their time with such busyness as to not have to think about it. I used to be the latter, these past two years I was filled with so much work and school that I could not even think through any pain that might bubble up. People see it as strength, even I did- was even proud of it, but I think really it was running away.
Now I’m forced to face so much of it, with the stillness of a less busy life in front of me.
It’s funny, I walked away from writing that and came upon a post by a college friend- Brandi- whose son Connor Luke is on his way home to God. It was simply a share from a business whose proceeds that day would benefit the family. But a Bible quote was in there, one I actually hadn’t heard- and have likely long needed: “The Lord will fight for you, you only need to be still.” Exodus 14:!4.
This stillness of the less busy life is making me face so many things, but perhaps it’s in that stillness that I can find a deeper relationship with God. Perhaps in being so busy in just surviving, I wasn’t able to find what I really needed.
Survival feels like the theme of this past year for so many, and emerging out of it into the light may feel foreign, but perhaps the stillness we find in the uncertainty is what we all need. A way to find our way back to the beginning of it all.
Suicide, thoughts of hopelessness, despair, those things do not define us. Even when the darkness overtakes us for a moment it isn’t who we are. We are not defined by one moment in our lives, God gives us the Grace the overcome that, and tells us we are beacons of light in this world.
My prayers are with so many of you, to find stillness- and the light.
