Dating On Facebook: Relationships in Social Media

I had a very interesting conversation with my girlfriends the other day- when do you become “Facebook Official” with a guy? Is that even a real thing? What if HE doesn’t want to change his status but you do, what about that?

Girls, typically more often that guys I would suspect I haven’t had the chance to poll my guys friends on this, question when to change their Facebook status. We’re afraid of being seen as crazy or needy or even…. finding out the relationship isn’t serious as we think it is. But if I’m being perfectly honest, why wouldn’t we want to share when we are in love?

Being afraid to share when you are in a loving relationship for fear of criticism is hurtful, but even more so when you fear that criticism from the one you love the most. Of course, this analysis is predicated on the idea that you are in a serious relationship- I do not see the point of putting a casual relationship out there in social media. But we should be able to share the love we feel without question.

It may seem silly in this age of social media that we even have to have these discussions. In the Age of the Selfie it may even come across as narcissistic to share so many details of ones life, but if you are willing to share what you had for lunch that day then sharing a relationship should be no issue.

The other side of this argument is that many times, women are hit on through social media. Men are too. If you’re Facebook Relationship states you’re seeing someone then that worry is somewhat taken away. And if you’re significant other is also on Facebook then should they feel obligated to allow themselves to be so tagged on your page? I would argue yes. In today’s dating world, as I have been navigating of late, I ALWAYS check out the Facebook page of a guy I’m interested in or friends want to introduce me to to make sure there’s not another girl out there. I consider myself to be a “girl’s girl” in the regard that I don’t want to intrude on an existing relationship. It’s also the quickest way to find out if the guy is a player, so to speak. Lots of check ins with multiple girls? Photos with multiple girls? He’s probably someone I’m not interested in. Goodbye! Facebook proves itself to be an easy vetting out process in that regard.

But for us ladies (and guys I would suspect as well), once we’re in a relationship status that we feel is serious, the next question is “when is is Facebook Official”? I’ve heard this term used quite a bit amongst friends. So now we run in to the social media equivalent of the “cool girl” problem. Jezebel had a fantastic analysis of the “cool girl” in this article, to summarize she’s the girl who doesn’t care…. who can sleep with a man without feelings attached and has an unnatural love of bacon.

So now, even when you are in a physical relationship with a man, there’s an online version of the “cool girl”. She doesn’t care that her man doesn’t want to take their relationship to an online official level. And while there’s genuinely some of these people out there of both genders, I would argue that if the relationship is serious, there’s not a real reason not to make it “Facebook Official”- assuming you have a FB profile.

For me, I want to get married again and I won’t be with someone who doesn’t see that as an option as some point. The online relationship status is just another reflection of that.But the problem is, for the person who wants to be “Facebook Official”, if they are with someone who doesn’t and in the present space they seem to be serious everywhere else except for publicly so and in the social media world- it’s just a lose lose situation. Both parties should want to do so without discussion. Otherwise, you’re just left in an awkward in-between.

My conclusions are this: in today’s age of social media, when your partner is also active in social media and has a Facebook profile page, if you’re relationship is serious then there should be no problem with making it “Facebook Official”.

Love to all y’all,

Molly