“Can You Die From Your Shoe Addiction”- Part One

So. apparently this was one of the phrases that someone Googled to get to my site.

I started wondering, can you die from your shoe addiction? I asked for help from my Facebook friends as well.

There are many possible ways. First: You Could Die From an Avalanche of Shoes

This could be a very real possibility in my closet if I wasn’t so meticulous about keeping them off of each other and organized. If one had a wall from top to bottom (such as mine) and just stacked the shoes willy-nilly on top of one another then it is plausible that something could happen to set them off. Like you go to pull a pair out and like a game of Jinga they start to fall. One by one mounds of shoes on top of you until you are either crushed by the weight of them or a stilletto stabs you somewhere. Or if you like the spiked shoe craze such as myself, a few spikes could get you also.

Second: You Could Die From Being Stampeded to Death During a Shoe Sale

I shouldn’t even have to explain that one, we’ve all seen the madness from a shoe sale…

 

Third: You Forget to Buy Groceries (also suggested by Melissa Macker)

You could love shoes so much that you think you can eat them, and instead of buying groceries you buy shoes. When you get hungry enough you try to eat them. Sure, it could happen. But unfortunantly, those spikes just don’t boil down as easily as the leather.

Fourth: A Very Angry Spouse (Suggested by Mike Buttimer.)

The credit card bill comes in, and your significant other or spouse sees just how much you spent on shoes. You try to reason with them- “It was an emergency! They were on sale.”

” How can that be an emergency?! An emergency qualifies as someone is bleeding and needs to go to the hospital!”

” But you don’t understand- dear, they were a pair of exclusive Manolo Blahnik’s and it was a sample sale and they actually FIT me!! I would just DIE if I didn’t get them!”

” But dear, I am sure you could live without them.”

” Dear- no, no I couldn’t live without them.”

” Well you aren’t going to live with them either! I’m gonna show YOU what a real emergency is…”

Fifth: You Catch Your Supposed BFF Stealing Your Best Stilletos (suggested by Shelby Spires)

Aw, HELL NAW- really?! This is the girl who has been there through it all with you- she even held you hair back that night you drank too much and met the porcelain throne. Granted, she did hook up with your boyfriend like RIGHT after y’all broke up- but it was over anyway and he was bad in bed. However this time- she’s come over for a good ol’ vent session and a few glasses of wine when she excuses herself to the powder room and she’s gone for just a little too long. You get up to check make sure she’s ok (it might be time for you to hold her hair back, after all) and you see the light is on in your closet.

WTF? I know I turned that off… damn power bill was too high last month…

And you see her with your best pair of imitation Christian Loubiton glitter stillettos in hand. You scream and jump at her and a stilletto fight insues.

Sixth: You Become an Episode of “Hoarders” and Die Due to Tripping on a Shoe (suggested by Chystal Shields and Wayne Temple)

So many sets of shoes- so little time to organize them and build a 3rd closet as an homage to your shoes. They pile up until you have to build paths in your home. But it’s ok: you know where each one of them lies. The problem? Well, you make a wrong turn one night as you get up to pee and one of them stabs you- the real problem is your blood gets all over them. Even if you made it you might die from a heart attack from your obessions being permanently stained. C’est La Vie…

Seventh: A Loan Shark Comes Out to Get You When You Can’t Pay Him Back (Kristen Soles)

So you have an addiction, big deal, right? Until you max out all of your credit card, owe every bank in town loan money and finally talk to your best friend’s cousin brother in law’s baby daddy. They failed to tell you about his mob connection. Of course, just like everyone else in town, you can’t pay him back. But unlike the bank- foreclosing on your house isn’t an option for this shady lendor. You end up being fish bait.

Still wanting more? Well trust me- there’s plenty more suggestions I have yet to post 😉 Keep your eyes open for round 2!!!