All Those Sparkling Lights (At Christmastime)
I love seeing the twinkling lights of Christmas.
They beam out to be like little shining lights of hope from homes and businesses- showing that people have some kind of sense of hope, of love.
Christmas is a time of watching my kids joyfully anticipate Santa Claus, and learning that Advent is a time of waiting for so many things, but mostly for the birth of the Christ child.
And while I love Christmas for those reasons and so many more, it has not always been the happiest for me.
During my divorce, Christmas was terribly hard as my children’s father and I waded through the muck of figuring out how to be broken and still together in a new type of family. I remember sitting in the parking lot of Chick-fil-A in my car, with a three-year old and a two-year old sitting in their car seats in awe of the lights, and tears streaming down my face from the mix of stress and joy with my sweet babies.
Two years ago, I handed my children presents from a man who had told me he loved me on and off for nearly two years- and the next day we would break up over the phone as I discovered yet another series of lies. That was the same Christmas that a scheduling mix-up with my kids dad would cause me to drive up to Helen to retrieve them, with my mother alongside me in the car, as I was still reeling from the break-up from someone who had promised me so much- but took away even more.
Last year it was at this time that I realized my contract extension offer from the Atlanta job would not be enough to sustain my family and I, beside the fact that it was a joke of a contract. I had to make the decision to walk completely away, and try to find a job that would get me through.
This year at Christmastime has delivered the decision to walk away from a job in the hopes that I can fulfill a better role on its board, a family funeral, moving, and more.
But it has also delivered some great grace. Finally getting a home of my own. Multiple job offers. Wrapping up my Young Gamechangers class. Launching a candle business with my mom as well as the retail end of this site. And meeting someone on the very night that I resigned from my job, a first date that seemed magical on it’s own. The unknown future will show me what all of this has to hold for me.
And truly, it’s not the Christmas season that has been seemed unfaithful to me- for Christmas starts December 25th and lasts 12 days from there. It is the Advent season that has, always, kept me appropriately waiting. Reminding me that while things may fail me, God always holds me in his grasp- always some bigger plan that I cannot see yet.
Perhaps this Christmas will be the one to bring me all I could have hoped for, but the truth is- all I could want and hope so is still miniscule to what He has planned for me. And I am so excited during this season of waiting to learn patience, and find out what Joy He has planned especially for me. In the meantime, I’ll enjoy the lights.
Love to all y’all,
Molly
ps- it’s also the second year in a row that Christmas cards just didn’t happen, this one is from 2013 …. sorry, y’all :p Maybe next year!
