Even With Social Anxiety, I Miss People
Ah, Facebook memories, so often a mixed bag of fun memories and those that are more cringe worthy. As of late, I’m reminded of how I used to be a LOT more social. The funny thing is… I get tremendous social anxiety.
I absolutely treasure the places and people that I can go to and visit without that creeping feeling of “do these people secretly hate me” or “am I going to look weird” or “is there anyone here I can talk to”? I get these feelings a lot, most of it made worse by how my divorce went and the very real moments of walking into a room and seeing people who DID hate me or who DID tell my ex-husband they saw me somewhere.
Today’s memories remind me of a concert- omg is it really- SEVEN years ago at Roasted. That was one of my treasured spots, I could go and sit at the counter and keep to myself on my laptop or even run into people like Slim or Floco or Roger or Melanie. So many of those people who are now gone, off to live lives elsewhere. I spoke of some of them in another podcast, which you can listen to here, initially performed at the Grand Opera House with Storytellers.
And 11 years ago, my grandfather passed away.
So many bittersweet memories, but one thing that the pandemic has made me realize… I really miss seeing my people. The ones who I feel at home with, the ones who I don’t feel nervous about seeing them when I walk into the room.
And because I haven’t seen so many people in so long… I have to wonder if perhaps the pandemic has cured me, even temporarily, of the social anxiety? Because I am SO EXCITED to see people.
I suppose time will tell. In the meantime, I’m grateful for the online communities that have popped up. For the graduate school network- although that’s done. For the my sorority alumnae group, I’ve made lots of new friends that way! For a special phalanx of women (and some men)- for the Macon Blessings group. So. Many. People.
And I’m lucky… I’m so lucky to have found a relationship in the middle of all of this that has made me feel more seen than I ever have before, more safe than I ever have before. But I miss even the ancillary people, the ones I would run in to with just run of the mill events. The Macon events that mark the passage of time during the year: porch parties, the Soap Box Derby, Historic Macon events, so many things.
I can’t wait to hug all y’alls necks in person!
Love to all y’all,
Molly
